


Viva La Vida

by Asahi_9L1314



Series: Alt Er Kjærlighet [2]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asahi_9L1314/pseuds/Asahi_9L1314
Summary: "If you asked me now what is your biggest quality, it is probably my mental strength, which turned from a weakness into my biggest strength."Charles might be mentally strong, but when things go shit, he still needs a hand. And Kevin might just turn out to be the right one.At least Pierre and Esteban claim he is.
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Kevin Magnussen, Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel (mention)
Series: Alt Er Kjærlighet [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1661338
Comments: 8
Kudos: 73





	1. I Got You

**Author's Note:**

> Another Charles x Kevin, hope you like it! And I would love to know your thoughts~ Not an English speaker, no beta, so thank you for bearing with me. TTvTT

_If you asked me now what is your biggest quality, it is probably my mental strength, which turned from a weakness into my biggest strength. ___

__

__Kevin puts both hands on his hip, stands in the middle of the living room, looks rather lost._ _

__Swear to god, he saw his phone charger somewhere this morning. And now, he searched the whole house and could not find it. And he has a flight to catch._ _

__His original plan was to head back to Denmark right after Hungary. First flight out. This season has been really hard and frustrating, and Kevin just wanted to get out of the circus, the media, and the whole racing world and have a second to himself to breathe._ _

__But a certain Ferrari driver just changed his whole plan. Kevin didn’t even remember how the kid convinced him exactly, but when he came back to his sense, he was already back against the kitchen island in the kid’s luxury house in Monaco with a heated body pressed against his._ _

__The following few days did turn out to be a mind-blowing stress relief process for both sides, but it is not the point._ _

__The point is at the end of the day, they are two F1 drivers in their different career stages trying to survive in this extremely competitive sports. So whatever they are having, call it causal or flame or friends with benefit, will give way to racing in no second. it is just their unspoken agreement._ _

__So after a few so-call slack days, Kevin books his flight back to Denmark, to re-focus on himself and get ready for the next race._ _

__But now he is stuck, because of a missing phone charger._ _

__“Are you looking for this?” The Monegasque’s voice comes from behind._ _

__Kevin turns around and sees the exact cable he is looking for in Charles’s hand, “Yes! Where did you find it? I almost give up.” Kevin walks over reaching out his hand, ready to take the cable from Charles._ _

__But Charles, being the taller one of the two, just raises his hand over his head holding the charger to the highest he can go. Teasing and playfulness in his eyes._ _

__“Seriously?” Kevin let out a sigh, but a small smile stay on his lips, “How old are you?”_ _

__“Shouldn’t you ask how tall I am?”_ _

__OK, another joke of his height. Not funny. Kevin just ignores him, closes the distance between them and tiptoes to grab the charger, arm stretching long in front of Charles. He does have a hold of the cable, but Charles refuses to let go, “You really don’t need a drop-off? Uber with a Ferrari driver, once in a lifetime.” Charles asks quietly when they are just inches away._ _

__“You mean the 4th-place driver who missed the podium from last week? No, thanks.” Kevin grins, almost pecks on the said driver’s lips but stops himself at the last second for some reason._ _

__Charles fakes a painful face, “Ouch, that pure jealousy hurts so bad.”_ _

__Kevin chuckles softly, doesn’t bicker back._ _

__“Well, okay then,” Charles leans forward, “See you on the grid I guess,” and places a light kiss on Kevin’s arm tattoo before letting go of the cable, right on top of the Spanish words._ _

__

__Steps on the gas, Kevin heads off to the airport. Through the rear mirror, he can still see the younger driver casually leans against the front door watching him leave. The past few days suddenly feel so surreal._ _

__Once a while, the question will come in Kevin’s mind, what are they? what is this…, thing?_ _

__But he just doesn’t know the answer._ _

__

__

__And then, the saddest moment happened. Qualify date in Spa. The tragic crash just put everyone to the lowest point._ _

__When the accident happened, Kevin was in his paddock looking at the data from his qualifying. And then someone from the team tells him that the F2 driver passed away. He is so shocked and immediately follows everyone out to the pit lane._ _

__He is not very familiar with the driver, but then he sees Esteban Ocon run by. Esteban just runs straight to Toro Rosso, and Pierre Gasly immediately breaks down in his arms._ _

__It is always painful to have a major accident on the racetrack, not only because of the physical damage but the reminder that it could’ve happened to anyone. Kevin tries not to let it affect him too much before the race, but it does make him wonder._ _

__He unconsciously looks around trying to locate a certain racer in the red uniform, but can’t find him. He even pulls out his phone a few times thinking if he should at least send a text just to check on the Monegasque, especially after learning that the F2 driver was best friend with Pierre, Charles, and Esteban since childhood._ _

__But every time, he will put his phone back down. They never contact or interact during race weekends. They just don’t. All they focus on is racing, 100%, and the only thing they care about is racing. They won’t even spare a split second to think about each other._ _

__Kevin knows very clearly that he is not in a position to do anything._ _

__

__Race day comes and goes. Charles wins the champion and dedicates his win to Anthoine. He just looks so self-controlled the whole day. And that stunning performance almost makes Kevin believe that maybe the accident didn’t actually affect the young driver that much._ _

__Until later into the night, when all the celebrations wind down, Kevin catches Charles walking towards the racetrack with his trophy, alone._ _

__Kevin doesn’t follow all the way, but he can see from afar that Charles puts the trophy down on the track and just sits there, facing the direction of where the crash happened, for a really long time._ _

__

__Tonight is dome to be restless, with so much happened and another disappointing race, Kevin just can not fall asleep. Starring at the hotel room ceiling, he gives up and lets all the non-sense take over his mind. But then, his phone screen quietly lights up. He has muted the phone before he went to bed, so if he was not awake he would’ve missed it for sure._ _

__Kevin pushes himself up on one elbow and reaches to grab the phone._ _

__It is 2 in the morning, and the letter CL on the screen._ _

__Kevin unlocks his phone just before the one on the other side can hang up, “Charles?”_ _

__Obviously, the Monegasque doesn’t expect the Haas driver to actually pick up the call, “Hey…, I am just, I thought you would be sleeping”, silence a bit before he continues, “sorry, it’s late.”_ _

__Kevin can tell the younger one is nervously biting his lips, “all good, can’t sleep anyway. What’s up?”_ _

__“I, hm, I just wonder if you wanna… come over?”_ _

__“Now?” Kevin doesn't meat to sound so surprised, but it just that they never see each other between back-to-back race weekends._ _

__“Yea…, just, I don’t know.” the Monegasque stutters, “you know what, no, I, I take it back. It’s late anyway. Just ignore what I said.”_ _

__“I will go,” Kevin cuts him off, “I will go over, let me know your room number.”_ _

__

__Kevin unconsciously checks around before knocking at the door. Ferrari definitely takes all the biggest units in the hotel._ _

__The door immediately slides open, and the person inside just grabs Kevin’s arm and pulls him in._ _

__It is all dark in the room. Before Kevin can make out of anything, he is pushed to the closed door and a pair of lips just crush on his fervorously, “Char…!”_ _

__Charles uses it as an opportunity to push his tongue inside Kevin to take over. Kevin can’t help but just give in, curling his arms around Charles’ neck. The familiar scent and taste make him wanna purr._ _

__They only break away when they absolutely need to breathe. Charles rests his forehead on Kevin’s, his hot breath fans over Kevin’s face and makes him feel heated up._ _

__“I think I need a drink,” Kevin mutters._ _

__“Sure…,” Charles let go of him._ _

__Turns away to switch the lights on, Kevin immediately notices how tired and worn out Charles looks._ _

__His hand almost reaches out to stroke the Monegasque’s messy curly hair, but he stops himself in time. There are some lines that Kevin is not sure if he should cross._ _

__He walks over to the kitchen area and opens the fridge. As predicted, there are alcohols provided by the hotel management._ _

__“Do you want some?” Kevin asks while opening a bottle of wine._ _

__Charles obviously is zooming out, and startles a bit when being asked, “No, no I mean, yes, I will grab the cups.”_ _

__Charles walks over to the cabinet, back facing Kevin. Kevin puts down the opener and waits for the glasses, but noting is handed over._ _

__He turns around and finds Charles is not moving, just facing the wall, hands on the countertop, breathing deeply._ _

__“Fuck.” Charles wipes his face and grumbles._ _

__Before Kevin can say anything, Charles leaves the kitchen, slams open the slide door and storms out to the balcony._ _

__Kevin sighs quietly. He is not sure what he should do right now._ _

__From where he stands, he can see the Monegasque buries his face in his palms, back shaking because of the emotional breakdown._ _

__He pours a glass of wine for himself, takes a few sips, giving the driver time to let out of his feelings. Then he looks around in the kitchen and takes out a kettle from the under cabinet, pour in some water, and starts the boiler._ _

__

__Charles can hear the balcony door slide open._ _

__Kevin walks out to the table, gently puts down his wine and a glass of steamy water._ _

__Charles slightly turns his face away and uses the back of his hands to wipe away the tears. He tries to stay as strong as the public expects him to, but he just can’t do it anymore. He feels like his heart literally got ripped apart._ _

__“Where is my wine?” Charles breaks the silence._ _

__Kevin just shakes his head, “No wine for kids tonight.”_ _

__Charles doesn’t respond to the Kid word, just doesn’t have the energy to. He thought Kevin will come in and start a full cliche speech of how you should stay strong for Anthoine and how things will get better, but Kevin just sits there._ _

__“No one knows how hard it actually feels,” Charles quietly says. The night wind brushes over his face._ _

__“It just keeps happening, I don’t know how much more I can take. I just don’t know.” Charles takes a deep breath._ _

__Kevin looks at the young driver, feels really heavy in heart._ _

__“First was Jules, then my dad. Now is Anthoine.” Charles covers his eyes with his palms, “It just, it just like a fucking curse, man. I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. And like, like who’s gonna be the next? Pierre? Esteban? Arthur?”_ _

__Tears stream down Charles’s face, “It fucking sucks.”_ _

__Kevin feels lost in words. He knows the young driver learned in the toughest way. Others might train to be mentally strong to become a better driver, but this kid, he had to become strong so that he can survive through all the bullshits life throws at him._ _

__Kevin sighs to himself, pushes the glass of water towards Charles, “Here, drink it.”_ _

__Charles looks at him, “It is the only way I know to help you feel better,” Kevin pushes the glass further, locking eyes with Charles._ _

__The young driver let out a sigh, pick up the glass, “what is it?”_ _

__“Just honey water,” Kevin shrugs, turns away to look at the city view outside, “When I was little, every time I cried my mom would give me a glass of honey water. She said sweet stuff would make you feel happy immediately. It is the only way I know to, to help.”_ _

__This unexpected offer actually brings a smile to Charles. He takes the glass to give it a try, it actually tastes good. He has a few more sips before setting down the water, and turns his focus back to the Dane sitting across the table, “No other supporting measures?”_ _

__Kevin just looks deep into Charles’s eyes, seems to try finding something in Charles, but also seems to try convincing himself on something._ _

__Then he stands up, walks over to stand in front of Charles. Charles watches him, doesn't say anything._ _

__Kevin hesitantly raises his hand and starts stroking Charle’s hair slowly and gently._ _

__This action is so unexpected that it makes Charles tense for a few seconds before gradually relaxes under the gentle movement and Kevin’s warmth._ _

__They stay like that for a while, no one talks._ _

__And then Kevin slowly bend down and place a feather-like kiss on Charles’s temple._ _

__

__“I got you.”_ _


	2. You Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe things are changing, but Charle and Kevin just don't know if it is for the better or the worse. But the sex is good. They can at least agree on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, some unexpected smug that no one asks for. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts. XD

When Charles opens his eyes, the first thing he knows is that he must have overslept judging from the morning light and that the other side of the bed is empty. 

He doesn't 100% remember how he got to bed last night but does remember a certain driver pulled up the sheets for him.

“God….”, Charles covers his face with his arms. To be honest, what happened last night was kind of embarrassing, that breakdown was so unexpected. And even if that was dome to happen, he could’ve called his family, his brothers, or Pierre, or Esteban. But he just chose to call the Kevin Magnussen, for some unknown reasons.

Maybe he should be thankful that at least the said driver is not in the sight right now, giving him some time to collect himself. 

Charles struggles to sit up, but a mild headache immediately puts him back to the pillows. For god sake, he didn’t even drink last night. Or is “cry-over” a thing now? 

When Charles finally makes his way out of the bedroom, to his surprise, he is hit by the scent of fresh-brew coffee. 

A shorter figure is taking out coffee cups from the top cabinet and placing them on the countertop. He is still dressing in his plain white T-shirt and dark gray sweat shorts from last night. The sunlight that comes through the huge french windows makes his blue eyes and blond hair ever so defined. 

Charles catches himself starring again, but he stops fast, “You made coffee?”

The question gets Kevin’s attention, he smiles a bit, “Well technically, Mr.Coffee Machine made it, but I did tell him to, so,” he pours some coffee into the cups, “You’re welcome.” 

Charles heads to the island hesitantly, he is just not sure how he should face the person who probably was shocked by him last night, it is hard to handle embarrassment, you know. 

He pulls out a stool to sit on and accept the coffee quietly, kind of avoiding eye contact.

But Kevin just being so normal, checking things on his phone while sipping his black coffee, just like nothing happened last night. 

Charles tries his coffee and is surprised at how good it tastes, “Thank you.” He says airily. 

For the coffee and last night.

Kevin just shrugs as a response, then put down his phone, “Have a 9 am training with my coach, mind I borrow the bathroom for a quick shower?”

Charles nods, “Be my guest.”

Kevin is out of sight again, and soon Charles can hear the shower get turned on. 

He just sits there and sips his coffee, watching the sunlight lights up the living room and listening to the faint sound from the shower. A strange feeling of indescribable intimacy hits him out of nowhere. 

The light headache must be doing weird things to him. Or the coffee. Or both. 

Kevin steps in the shower and just let the hot water run down his body to take away the tiredness. 

It has been a long stressful week, he can feel his body is on edge and looking for a release. And the heated kiss from Charles last night was definitely not helping. But with all the circumstances, he just gonna hit the gym and hopefully let out some steam and frustration.

But just when he finishes washing his hair, he hears a knock at the door.

“Hey, hmmm, do you mind I come in? …… Just need to brush teeth and stuff. ” Charles’s faint voice from the other side of the door. 

Seriously? Kevin turns off the water. Brush teeth right here right now?

Kevin is kind of amused by this. He grabs a dry towel from the side rack to put around his waist, not even bother to tie it and walk over to the door.

Charles waits for a bit outside, self-criticizing for the nth time why he even asked. He makes himself sound so stupid. He doesn’t even know why he needs to get in right now, but, but the shower sound just gets too luring all of a sudden.

Before he can run away, the bathroom door unlocks. 

A very topless — and technically speaking bottomless as well — Kevin Magnussen, wet hair pushed back casually, stands inside holding the door open. 

Charles tries not to look at anything lower than his collarbone, but his chest tattoo right below his collarbone is just, ahem. 

He won’t deny that tattoo might be his favorite part. His face feels super hot right now. 

Kevin obviously notices the younger driver’s red face, he smirks and holds the door wider, “Don’t lie.”

“Wha no, I am not lying, I do need to, you know, clean up after getting up.” 

Kevin just keeps smirking, “Well, your bathroom,” and heads back to the shower, leaves room for Charles to walk in, just like a challenge. 

Charles tries to fix his eyes on the sink and his toothbrush, but he can’t help but pick up the sound that Kevin turns the shower back on.

The shower room is designed to be half-covered by a glass wall. So from the corner of his eye, he can basically see everything in the shower. 

No, brush your teeth.

But then something soft hits his leg. Charle looks down, a dim towel at his feet. 

It’s the one that was on Kevin’s waist seconds ago. 

Of course, he did it on purpose. 

Charles looks up and is immediately captured by Kevin’s side. The Danish driver is putting on body wash, hands sliding up his arms, rub on the shoulders and neck, then trail down his chest, to his torso, then his hip. He does it so naturally just like no one is in the same room with him.

The wings on his chest look so alive with every single movement of his muscle. And the white shampoo bobble slides down his back with water outlining his backside curve.

Fuck. Charles swallows hard and turns back to his task in hand.

Pierre is right. Kevin Magnussen is a dangerous guy, not only in racing. 

Then, a soft moan falls into Charles’s ears, almost makes him chock on his toothpaste. 

Is he just…..?!

Charles turns and inhales sharply. 

Kevin is touching himself. 

Period.

He is no longer facing the showerhead, instead, he is leaning closer to the wall, one hand pressed against the tiles for support, the other one tightens around himself sliding lazily with water falling onto his back.

He slightly tilts his head at Charles and just looks straight at him, a winning smirk on his lips.

Charles feels his whole body is on fire, blood roaring in his veins.

He is 22, and there is only that much seduction he can take. 

Kevin closes his eyes to focus on pleasuring himself. He can literally feel the younger driver’s eyes burning on him, and he can’t deny that actually turns him on so badly.

Sometimes, the realization scares him, how this kid can just do things to him without actually doing anything.

Suddenly, the shower gets turned off. Instead of water, a bare chest is pressed against Kevin’s back caging the smaller driver.

A pair of hands trail down Kevin’s arms, one down to cover his hand and take over the control, the other moves to hold onto Kevin’s supporting arm to further keep it pressed to the wall. 

Kevin can’t help but sigh softly, feeling the warm hands on his skin, “I thought, I thought you said you just gonna brush your teeth…?”

Charles keeps the pace on his length almost torturously slow, “Well…I am sure I said brush teeth and stuff,” hot breath on his neck sends shivers down his spine. 

“Fuck…!” Kevin bucks his hip up trying to chase some more friction when Charles twists his wrist, “Then show me the and stuff…”

Charles amused by the half demanding half desperate tone, leaves some light kisses on Kevin’s shoulder, “Are you going to the pre-race on Thursday?”

Kevin doesn't actually think he can come up with the 100% accurate answer but manages to reply, “No…I don’t think we go….”

Charles then sucks a mark on his neck, leaving a bruise potentially for everyone to see. The pain makes Kevin arch his back and unconsciously bare more of his neck for Charles to explore.

Charles nibbles on the back of his ear, murmurs, “Wanna finger you,” accent ever so prominent. 

Kevin lets out a strangled noise upon the sentence, “Just, get on with it already…….”

Charles leans in and starts to kiss his way down leaving marks along, hands work the way down to the curve. 

Kevin has to bite his button lip to stop the loud moans come out of his mouth when Charles gets inside him. His fingers just press on all the right places, and the calluses from physical training and grabbing steering wheel just make the sliding even sweeter. 

Kevin let go of his hand that was around himself and threads it into Charles’s soft knots. He tilts his head and lets their breath linger, suddenly not sure what he wants to do. Charles’s the one close the last distance. His tongue slides into his mouth and drinks up all the soft noise Kevin let out. 

When Kevin finally comes and spilled all over Charles’s hand, he almost can't catch himself. But he manages to turn around, back against the wall and pulls Charles closer. 

“Can’t just leave you like this, can we?” hands tugging at the younger driver’s sweatpants.

“I thought someone has a 9 am training?” Charles smirks.

“Just, shut up.” The rest of the sentence disappears between the lips.

They actually manage to make it as a quickie, and if Kevin just ran straight out to the gym, he might even be able to make it in time. But Charles stops him before the door.

“Hey, I, I just wanna say thank you, for, hm, last night, and for the coffee, and for the,” The Monegasque’s face gets a bit red, “for the” with a gesture pointing at where they just have been, “sorry I know it sounds weird…”

Kevin let out a small smile, a hand reaches up to stroke his curly hair and smoothes down the few crazy strands.

Charles looks at him, waiting for some reply.

But Kevin just shrugs and walks away.

As soon as the door closes, Charles let out a heavy sigh. His face is really hot for no reason. He flops on the sofa frustratedly and pulls out his phone.

_Can we meet? need to talk._

A beep almost follows immediately:

_Flying out soon, you miss me already? — Pierre_

Then a few moments later:

_Sorry in the gym. Is everything okay? — Esteban_

Charles knows they are worried about the Anthoine topic. Among the three of them, he is always the one that not good at letting go of emotions. 

_All good, just, well, will talk when we meet. Monza?_

The two just reply with the thumps-up and the curious emojis.

And now, Charles just needs to figure out what he actually wants to talk about.


	3. I don't baby, I don't stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max gives out TMI. Pierre and Esteban try their best to be good friends. 
> 
> And Charles just wants to focus. 
> 
> But who knows the right way?

It turns out it is almost impossible to have any personal time leave alone meeting up in Monza. 

At the end of the day, it is THE Italian GP. It is a big deal for Ferrari. Charles feels like he doesn’t even have time to breathe or eat, just going events after events, interviews after interviews.

He knows the expectation for him has been growing, especially after his first win last week. But that's a limit of his social interaction, and he is reaching his maximum right now at this sponsor-held luxury dinner. All the teams are invited to come, but as the home team, Ferrari is the one that has to be present long enough to make the sponsors happy. 

Just when Charles almost loses it, a pair of strong hands grab him and pull him to the hallway hidden behind.

“You look like you really need a break, mate.” Esteban who came out from nowhere leads the way and doesn’t let go of Charles. 

“Oh god, you scared the shit out of me”, Charles’s free hand goes up to loosen up his bowtie, “But you are right, I am sorry if one more person talked to me I might throw up.”

Esteban lets out a laugh, pushes open a guest room-like door and lets the two of them in.

It is an empty lounge, and Pierre is sitting on one of the couches sipping his juice.

The next second, Charles is squeezed between Pierre’s arms.

Esteban immediately joins the lambs and turns it into a huge bear group hug. 

“I hope you are alright, Charles.” Pierre rests his head on Charles’s shoulder.

Charles lets out a sigh, and the first time after he arrived in Italy, he truly feels relax, “I am fine, sorry for making you guys worried……” 

“Well, we are here for you, you know.”

Esteban doesn’t say anything but tightens his hold.

A few seconds of silence later, “Oh my god, did I just say it? So CHEESY!” Pierre as loud and dramatic as he can be, “let go of me I need to throw up.”

“hahaha, it is quite cheesy if I have to say.” Charles laughs at Pierre’s shit-eating expression. He knows these two are always able to cheer him up.

They both pull away from Charles and lead him to the sofa.

“But seriously, you good? We are not trying to play mother hems here, but you know…” Pierre and Esteban definitely are two of the few people that saw him in the worse conditions last two times. It is understandable for them to be this worried.

Charles nods, “Yeah, I happened to, hm, you know, talked to someone, and that somehow helped, a lot…?”

Esteban raises his eyebrows at the answer, “Wow, did you just use Happened to, Someone, and Somehow in one sentence?”

Charles nervously chuckles, not sure how to respond.

“And are these Someone and Somehow the things you wanna talk about before?” Pierre smirks while sipping juice from his cup.

Let’s just say Pierre Gasly can fucking read his mind.

“I don’t know….”, Charles sighs again, put both hands in his hair frustratedly, “It should not even be a big deal, but just bothers me, a little bit?”

“OK”, Pierre nods his head.

Charles stands up and heads to the corner table to grab a bottle of water, also uses it as a chance to not facing his two best friends, “So I, I have a friend….”

Pierre raises his eyebrows at Esteban, “OK…?”

“He, hm, he has some tiny troubles figuring out if he cares about someone too much……? And like, if he should? especially since that person is a racer as well……”

“OK…., just, is that certain racer…”, Pierre asks immediately, but then pause himself.

Charles unconsciously tightens his grab around the bottle. Did Pierre really fucking read his mind?

“…Sebastian?” Pierre finally finishes his question.

…… what??

Charles turns around, can not believe what he just heard. And obviously, Esteban is shocked as well. What??

It is so freaking out of nowhere, “Sebastian??” Charles and Esteban almost shout at the same time, “He is my teammate, excuse me?!” Charles throws his hands in the air.

“Oh, so now it is about you, not your quote-unquote friend?” 

……Can he just chock Pierre on his neck? 

“But just for the record, I do think Seb is hot and funny and he was a freaking world champion. I will take him. ” Pierre continues matter-of-factly.

Esteban just can not hold back his laugh and almost collapses on the couch.

Charles sighs, leans against the wall. Why he thought talking to Pierre would be a good idea?

“But seriously, why this bothers you tho? It is okay to care a lot for someone, you know?” Esteban tries his best to pull the topic back.

“Just…, I don’t know, I feel like there is so much going on in my life and my head”, Charles walks back to the couch area and flows back on the sofa, head rests on Esteban’s legs. “There is so much pressure, and like this is Jules’s dream, I really can’t fuck it up. I just want to focus on racing, and like, no distractions….?” Charles puts an arm over his face to hide, “Am I even making sense…?”

If he made someone really important to him, it would just be a matter of time that things will happen again and go shit. He doesn’t want any of that anymore.

But whatever he is having with Kevin Magnussen is gradually crossing lines. Sometimes, he can literally feel something is getting out of control, especially when the Dane is around. That scares him. 

Pierre just looks at Esteban with worries. Charles can be strong and fine, but they both know the invisible mental impacts are there unconsciously affecting him. 

“If you think things will be distractions, and you really want to focus, that’s totally fine, mate. At the end of the day, we all know how it feels when F1 got taken away from you.” 

“Yeah, it sucks so much.” Pierre quietly nods, “But also, you know, no matter who this person you are talking about is, try not to close up yourself and shut down completely? It never turns out good for both sides…” 

“Well, yeah…..” Charles takes a deep breath and sits up.

Before he can say anything more, the door opens again. Alex walks in, and Max follows behind.

“Wow, so actually everyone is hiding here to avoid socializing?” Alex says happily. It makes him feel so much better to know that he is not the only one want to leave. 

Pierre grins at the Red Bulls, “My ultimate rival is here! It is a party now!”

Alex grins back and runs over to high-five with Pierre in such a happy mood. Max smiles at his ex-teammate too and pats on Charles’s and Esteban’s shoulders. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Max sits next to Alex and casually asks.

“Well, we are just talking about Charles’s crush on Seb.”

“What?!” Charles protested immediately, tho he knows Pierre is just trying to throw a distraction, but, “Don’t make up ridiculous rumors!”

Alex laughs so hard but manages to comment, “Well, I agree that Sebastian is charming and like, super funny.”

“Right!?” Pierre forces a high five on Alex’s shoulder.

Max just makes a face, “I think Daniel is hotter…”

The whole group goes silent on that sentence immediately, all eyes on Max.

“Did you guys… fuck?” A straight ball from Pierre.

All the attention makes Max flush, he brings the water that he just grabbed from the side to his lips, eyes looking at anywhere else but Pierre, “……No comments.” 

“At, at Red Bull?!” Alex widens his eyes to the maximum. Not even sure if he is referring to the timing or the location.

“God, this is seriously TMI! I don't need this picture in my head. Thank you, Pierre and Alex.” Esteban covers his face.

Charles laughs a bit with the group but gradually feels down again with all the things in his mind. Maybe the stress is really getting to him now.

A few minutes later, he excuses himself out when the guys are still talking about other drivers. He decides to head back to the hotel.

Pierre follows him out and stops him outside the hallway, “Hey,” Pierre puts a hand on Charles’s shoulder, “I know we are no experts, but no matter what you are thinking, you know, just follow your heart, okay? If you want a stop, then stop, but if your heart says otherwise, try not to deny it too much? Promise me?”

Charles quietly nods, “Thank you, mate.”

Pierre pats him on the back of his neck, “Alright then, go deal with your bad boy.”

What?

Charles snaps up his head, did he just…?

“Oh, you thought you were very secretive, but you were not.”

He really needs to chock Pierre Gasly one day.

The way back to the hotel is short. Charles chooses to take the outside route instead of the internal connection to get some fresh air. 

And of course, he has to recognize that signature blonde hair at the hotel entrance. 

A certain Danish driver is putting on such a smile at the people he is talking to. It seems like he just finished filming something for his clothing brand sponsor. One of the guys in suit casually put an arm around Kevin’s waist and leans down to whisper something in his ear. 

He can see Kevin startles a bit and unconsciously takes a step back, tries to pull some distance, then puts back his smile and just waves his hand to say goodbye. 

The suit guy finally let go of him and leaves with the crew. 

For no reason, Charles suddenly feels really annoyed by what just happened.

He should just go to the side entrance.

But before he can head to the other direction, Kevin turns around and catch him in the eye. 

The Dane is a little bit surprised to see him but doesn’t say anything. 

Charles looks back, not sure what he wants to do all of a sudden. He is afraid that if he says or does anything, there might be no turning back. 

So he just stands there. 

Someone from the Haas team points at Kevin’s shoulder and shows him the direction he should go for his next activity. Probably some Netflix interviews or something. 

But Kevin just keeps looking at him, just like he can sense something is wrong, until the staff literally comes over and pulls him away. 

Kevin finally averts his eyes and leaves.

This is bad. 

Charles sighs heavily. 

It is so obvious that Monza is a tough tough weekend. But the result is just beyond amazing. Charles, in all his life, never even dreamed of winning the Ferrari home Grand Prix, left alone winning in a Ferrari race car. 

When he stands on the podium, the red ocean beneath, the cheers, and the flags, everything is so real that he starts to feel surreal. But he knows this is what he wants and has been working so hard for in his whole life. He can literally feel the endorphins run in his veins, and he never feels this alive before.

The win is not only for him, but for Jules, for his dad, and for Anthoine. He really can not ask for more. And he knows he will do anything to not let go of this sense of achievement. 

And maybe, this is it. This is what he needs and what he should focus on. 

The post-race briefing section is really short today, and everyone just wants to run out to get drinks and celebrate.

Ferrari has already booked the whole evening session in one of the best restaurants in this area for the team, but Charles just has to stay last to finish all the interviews. 

When he finally packs everything and heads out the Ferrari building, he doesn't really expect to see anyone. 

But someone is waiting for him. 

Kevin is in his white T-shirt and whitewashed ankle jean leaning against the wall. Just like the first time they talked last year. 

Charles walks over, unconsciously tightens his grab on his bag. 

“Hey…, I just want to say congratulations.” Kevin stands in front of him, says quietly, “You fought hard.”

Charles nods, “Yeah, thank you,” eyes looking at Kevin’s sneakers instead of his eyes, “How was your team?”

Kevin snorts, “Had a shot but ended up retiring the car, some Hydraulic problems. There was nothing you can do when your car was not working.”

Charles nods along. 

He can feel his heartbeat is rising, hands sweating. There is suddenly so much emotion in his mind. He really has the urge to pull this blonde driver into his arms and hugs him so tight or just pushes him to the wall to kiss him so hard till they can not breathe, but he also just wants to stop himself from feeling like this. He is excited, he is confused, he is annoyed, and scared, all of a sudden. 

Charles’s unusual silence makes Kevin immediately senses that maybe the Monegasque is not actually in the mood to talk to him. 

“Ok, well, hm, I just wanted to check on you, since you looked a bit weird that night… But, yeah, I will leave you to your things.” 

Kevin turns and is going to head out of the paddock, but Charles stops him.

“Kevin, actually,” Charles grabs his bag so tight, “I think……”

Kevin turns back to look at him.

“I think, we should stop this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-quarantine seriously makes this whole thing longer than I planned. Well, hope this post can help reduce some boredom? haha anyways, thanks again for reading! Stay healthy everyone~


	4. Kiss Me Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His mind says no, but his heart says yes.  
> And Sebastian says volka.  
> And it works. Right?

_“I think, we should stop this.”_

Kevin unconsciously frowns and grits his teeth. 

“…..Kevin? Kev?” The voice from the other side sounds a bit worried.

“Oh, oh, sorry, what did you say?” Kevin blinks his eyes to bring back his attention to the call.

His friend Jesper just smiles, “I said, I think we should bring an extra layer. It looks cloudy and cold outside. It might be freezing when we get on the water.”

“Yeah, good call. Then I will see you in…”, Kevin quickly glances at his watch, “in 20 mins?”

“Make it 30, have to stop somewhere first.” 

“OK, take your time. Just text me when you are here.” 

Kevin puts down his phone and lets out a heavy sigh. He has flown back to Copenhagen for 2 days now hoping to disconnect from everything. 

The race was frustrating as hell, which also has become a norm now to this point. The tension in the team is high and frustration builds up. This might just be the most stressful year in his career so far. 

And the thing between him and Charles……

Kevin slumps back on his couch feeling unbearably tired. 

Everything in that evening just went blurred, but he did remember Charles’s face when he said the line to end everything. 

He looked so distant and determined. 

Kevin just felt numb at that moment, but he did manage to nod and simply reply an OK, and just walked away before he could say anything stupid. 

At the end of the day, they are nothing. And that’s what they unspokenly agreed on from the beginning.

Maybe he was a bit too into it along the way, maybe he unconsciously wanted more since some point, and maybe he allowed himself to cross lines because he thought, maybe, just maybe, the other person wanted the same thing. 

But whatever. He was just being stupid and tried to lie to himself. 

They should not be anything, and no one should blur the line. 

Period. 

Kevin sighs again, gets up to prepare some hot coffee to bring out. 

He has been into sailing quite a bit recently. It really helps him to switch off when he gets on the water. And he is going sailing with Jesper today.

As soon as Kevin opens the door of the passenger side, a familiar Danish song flows out. 

“The star is in the house!” Jesper smiles at him, and leans over to give Kevin a big hug, “Good to see you, mate! It has been a while.”

Kevin hugs back, finally lets himself relax in Jesper’s arms. He didn't even realize he has been so uptight all this time. 

“Thanks for coming with me today.” Kevin puts the drinkware into the holder, “Some coffee for the ride.” 

“Perfect. Goes well with this then. ” Jesper stops at a red light and pulls out a paper bag from the backseat.

Freshly made croissants in the bag.

“The one at the corner, right? I literally had to wait in the long line for these, almost wanted to shout out your name to cut the line, not gonna lie.”

Kevin laughs at Jesper’s painful face, “Thank god you didn’t, cuz it wouldn’t work.”

“Oh, give yourself some credits. You are The Great Dane in F1, come on.” Jesper pats on Kevin’s shoulder with his free hand, “Anyways, eat up already. The fact that you even drag me to the sea in this weather is the biggest sign to me that you need these puffy little things.”

Kevin just smiles, can’t deny a thing. Jesper just knows him too well.

Jesper signals and makes a left turn, “I don’t even understand your obsession with this, but I hope I am not the only one knows when to get it for you.”

Kevin holds the bag, doesn’t know what to say. 

He actually got to try the best croissant in Monaco during the summer break. Thanks to, someone. 

He just wanted it so bad and asked where he should go to get it, but that kid laughed at him so hard, _“Who knows THE bad boy of F1 has a bakery addiction!”_ , then dragged him everywhere in Monaco, turning the simple trip to the bakery into a whole day sightseeing. Only when it was almost sunset, he was lead into a vintage cafe right next to the beach and got to taste the best croissant in his life. 

Kevin looks at the view outside, falls into silence. 

Whatever, not the thing he should think about anymore. Today is about sailing, Jesper, and reunion. 

When they get the boat out of the harbor, the weather actually turns out okay. The only flaw is that it is indeed really cool.

“Fucking hell, I’m cold.”

Jesper laughs at his overreaction.

“So what happened in the races? No points?”

“It was just…, we can be really good in qualifying, but then no pace at all in the race. ” Kevin honestly doesn’t know what is going on with the car, and maybe no one in the team knows.

Jesper chuckles, “I think everybody knows what the problem is. It’s just…..shit car.”

“Hopefully”, Kevin laughs too, “they know it’s not just the drivers.”

Jesper pours out some coffee, “How about your non-racing life? Any points in that area?”

Kevin chuckles at the analogy and shrugs, “Retired the car in qualifying, didn't even make it to the race.”

“But I thought you finally dumped me this summer break because you had someone to spend time with?” 

Kevin sips his coffee, just looks at the ocean, letting the sharp ocean wind cut through his jacket. 

“Not any more now.” 

Jesper remains silent and just let the driver take his time.

“…… It fucking hurts, man.”

Then the Singapore race weekend comes. Physically the toughest race on the calendar. The heat just too much. 

And it has been 2 weeks since Charles last saw Kevin Magnussen, which should be normal considering that’s how his life used to be for most of the time. 

But he also can not deny the fact that things did change, since their first conversation, since their first hang-out, since their first kiss, since they started to stay over and wake up next to each other, and since they actually got to know each other.

It is not something that you just put a hard stop then it disappears. 

Charles grabs his helmet from the driver’s room and walks to the garage to get ready for his practice. 

And just in that few minutes, he already saw the said Haas driver walked past by the Ferrari garage with his teammate. 

It definitely won’t disappear when you both still work at the same paddock. 

Charles averts his eyes as fast as possible before he can linger.

Focus, Charles Leclerc. 

When Charles finally sees the checkered flag in the race, he screams so hard into the radio.

It is sort of a frustrating race for him in some way, but no matter what they bring back P1 and P2 for Ferrari, jobs well done. He and Sebastian and the team will have the talk after the race. But for now, it is the time for firework and victory and hydration. 

After parking the car, Charles immediately climbs out of his seat. He is sure there is a sweat pool in the car considered he is literally socked to the bone. Singapore is a killer, not kidding. 

Carlos and Lando are heading to the weight check too, and they both look like they just came out of a swimming pool. 

“Congrats, mate!” Carlos pats on his shoulder, “P1 and P2, you guys should just kiss on the podium.”

Charles joins the line and turns to laugh at Carlos’s joke, “I guess we will have to keep that part in the bedroom, but thank you.”

“Private person, gotcha.” Carlos winks at him.

“But I heard the fastest lap is Magnussen?” Lando joins the conversation, “Didn’t he get it here last year too? That’s crazy.”

Upon mentioning the name, Charles spots the said driver standing in the other line, as soaked as any other driver in the room. 

And Sebastian is standing next to him, with an arm around his shoulder.

Charles unconsciously frowns.

Then Romain joins the line, Sebastian immediately waves to the other Haas driver with his free hand. The Frenchman walks over with a serious look. 

Charles then realizes, it is not Sebastian hugging Kevin, but Kevin basically supporting himself with Sebastian’s hold.

Is something wrong?

Romain is talking to Kevin now, asking questions. Kevin just nods and straightens himself up with help.

After the weight check, Romain immediately leads Kevin towards the exit gate. The French driver is basically towering the Dane and blocking everything from Charles. 

“Charles, it is your turn now.” Lando points at the machine suggestively. 

“Oh, sorry.” Charles turns back to the checkpoint. 

He gets on the machine and waits for the data to spill out, almost counting the seconds, never know the machine takes this long to get a dame weight. He just feels the need to hurry up all of a sudden.

But, for what? 

Getting off the machine, Charles looks at the direction of the exit, then realizes in the other direction, Sebastian and the PR staff are waiting for him at the door to get ready for the podium. 

Oh, right, P1 and P2, Ferrari, and racing. 

Charles pushes his dim hair back and walks over to his team. 

The freaking heat just makes everything not right. 

Glanced at the view outside, Charles decides to put his Ray-Ban back on immediately. It is early in the morning, but the sunshine in Singapore is already full-on. 

He is now at the SIN airport waiting to board his flight to Russia. The Singapore and Russia back-to-back races probably are the hardest schedules to manage on the calendar. 20+ hours flight with at least 1 stop. Just kill him already.

For this kind of schedule, teams usually will do share flights together, easier for travel coordination. And there will be two more teams joining the flight with Ferrari today. 

Charles knows one of the teams is Renault, since Daniel already texted him about it yesterday, but he is not sure about the other team……

“Hey, Seb!” A French accent greeting just breaks the silence right at the moment. 

Charles turns and can see Romain is walking towards them with a backpack, a big smile on his face. 

Oh, great.

Sebastian stands up and bumps their shoulders, “Ready for the long flight?” 

“Never, never.” The Frenchman says it in an almost horrified mood, then burst into laughter. 

Charles takes off his sunglasses to say hi to Romain, but his eyes also catch sight of the other Haas driver who just entered the waiting area. 

Kevin Magnussen waves at their direction as a greeting, but doesn’t come over. Charles locks eyes with him, and the Dane looks back at him directly. Charles can feel his heart skip a beat just at that. But before he can get a hold on any of his emotions, Kevin averts his eyes away. 

They didn't have any sort of interaction for more than 2 weeks now. Charles thought the distance would help stop whatever he was afraid of, but…… it actually starts to feel like the distance emphasizes everything for him to notice. 

He lets out a heavy sigh and puts the sunglasses back on. 

It is gonna be a long flight.

Hours just went by. And Charles wakes up to a dark cabin. Even though they do get beat seats, sleeping on a flight is just never gonna be a good experience. He checks the flight info and figures they still have halfway to go.

Charles puts down his headset and stands up for some stretch and walk. Most of the teams are deep in sleep. Charles quietly makes his way to the break room hoping to have some more space to move around. 

But as soon as he parts the curtain that separates the break room and the cabin, he is met by a pair of light blue eyes. 

Kevin is leaning against the wall next to the exit, looks a bit surprised. 

No one is moving. Awkwardness is thick in the air. 

Charles cleans his throat a bit and speaks first, “Hey, hm… sleep well?”

“Yeah…”, Kevin straightens up, “Just need some stretch.”

Charles nods, doesn't know what to say. His hands start to sweat again. Nothing seems distantly appropriate. Nothing seems right to say.

Fuck. 

“I am gonna head back now……”, Kevin breaks the silence, “All yours.” 

But before Charles can think, his body reacts. He grabs Kevins’s right wrist to stop him from walking away. Something he wanted to do so bad back in Monza but didn’t. 

Both drivers are a bit shocked. Charles immediately drops his hand. 

“I just, hm, just wonder……. was everything alright in Singapore?” 

Kevin seems a bit lost, but then gets that he is asking about the situation after the race. He didn’t know Charles noticed it.

“Yeah, just dehydration I guess. But all good now. “

He will never tell Charles that he got super sick in Copenhagen and almost faint during the race. Charles doesn’t need to know any of that.

The Monegasque slightly nods, olive green eyes full of quiet concern. They fall back into silence again. 

“Alright then…, rest well.”

As soon as he makes it back to his seat, Kevin puts on his earphone and buries himself in the blanket. 

He hates every single bit of it.

Charles is the one asked for a stop, but he also does all sorts of things and looks that just evade Kevin’s emotion so easily.

That kid confuses him.

But the warmth on his wrist still lingers. 

He hates himself for that too.

Why everything just sucks. 

The following few days go by relatively uneventful. They fall back into the routine they used to have. No interaction.

Charles got his 4th podium in a row in Sochi. It is very exciting and amazing and everything. But he knows deep down something else is building up as well. 

The sense of emptiness growing inside is so strange but permanent. He doesn't know how to deal with it. Even Sebastian notices that.

“You are zooming out again.” Seb bumps his shoulder, a glass of drink in hand, “It is a celebration for you, at least be a bit happier?”

“I will try.” Charles puts on a weak smile.

“Here, try harder.” Sebastian pushes his glass to Charles.

“Please tell me you are not actually drinking drinking”, Charles says with a pointed look at the transparent liquor in Seb’s glass. He can literally smell the alcohol.

“Why not?” Sebastian whines a bit with his boyish smile, “We are in Russia, we need to drink Volka.”

Sebastian grabs a new glass from the waitress walked by and hands it to Charles, “You got a podium, you are entitled to drink. And I got retired from the race, so I am entitled to drink as well.”

With that, Sebastian just clinks their glasses and downs his whole drink.

Charles is amused by his teammate’s funny face caused by the strong liquor, but also a bit convinced by it. 

Maybe Seb is right, it may at least make him lighter and happier for now. 

Well, let’s just say Charles knows he is a high-tolerant drinker, but he might also underestimate the Russian vodka. 

He is not sure how he got here, right in front of a hotel room, but he does remember Sebastian asking Romain for Haas’s room numbers. 

He knocks at the door almost instinctively, or does the alcohol make him?

He hears someone talking on the phone in Danish on the other side of the door. 

He can feel his blood is rushing in his vein so fast, face burning hot. 

Then the door opens, a certain blonde driver looks up at him, confused.

“Charles…?” Kevin hangs up his call. 

“Can I come in?” Charles tries to focus on the conversation, but his eyes are glue to Kevin’s slightly chapped lips.

“Did you drink?” Kevin’s concern fails to hide in the plain reply. 

Charles just feels a familiar urge raise inside again, maybe even stronger this time with a push from the alcohol.

He steps inside without answering anything. Kevin is a bit taken back and steps backward until he is basically back against the hallway.

Charles puts a hand on the wall next to Kevin’s head, cages the Dane in between. 

Their faces are so close, finally, close again after Spa. He can literally count every single light eyelash Kevin has. 

Charles lets their breath linger while watching Kevin’s indescribable hesitation grow in his eyes.

The urge to kiss this person in his arms is threatening to bust out of his chest, just like a thirst man finally found the oasis, and Charles can not resist it anymore. He closes the last distance and crushes their lips together.

The softness on his lips is as sweet as he remembers, it kind of reminds him of their first time in Max’s hotel suite in Abu Dhabi. So secretive, almost feel like forbidden, but also so excited and passionate. 

He licks along Kevin’s lips then bits down on his button one, lost in the soft moans that Kevin unconsciously let out. He can literally get drunk on this. 

And he can feel the Dane is gradually melted and soften in his hold.

It is like this every time he kisses Kevin Magnussen. His mind says no, but his heart says yes. And he himself in between can only push harder, kiss deeper and see where the flow leads him to. 

But just when he is going to lick into his month, Kevin suddenly tightens his grab on Charles’s shirt and pulls away from the heated kiss. 

“No, Charles.” He looks away, “You are drunk, you don’t know what you are doing.”

Charles can literally hear his heartbeat in his ears, so loud. He presses his forehead on Kevin’s.

“You are right, I don’t know what I am doing.” Charles whispers, “But I know, I fucking hate you, and I fucking like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quarantine life continues. Hope everyone gets a kiss as a reward.


	5. Make It Right - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You were the only one who understands me  
>  and all that I was going through  
> I just gonna tell you, baby  
> I could make it better  
> I could hold you tighter  
> Cause through the morning you’re the light _

It seems there is something soft bushing over his face, from his jawline to his eyebrows, so gentle, then to his forehead, brushing the hair away, smoothing out the unconscious frowns, light like a feather, like dreaming

Charles almost opens his eyes, but just feels so relax under the touch and so warm under the soft covers, so he soon slides back to the gentle darkness. 

When he finally opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is an unfamiliar ceiling. Then the strong sunlight makes him squeeze his eyes hard. Before he can process anything, the sharp headache takes over. It feels like someone just smashes his skull with a hammer. Damn it!

Charles doesn’t know where he is and what happened, but he is already regretting his life. He presses his thumb on his temple trying to slow down the headache but of course, fails. 

He remembered his night with Sebastian, their one drink turned two, then three, maybe four? He lost count, but he knows he felt so much lighter and could finally forget everything stressful for a second. They just kept drinking and laughing at each other like idols. 

Until Lewis Hamilton showed up. 

Charles frowns at that memory. Why Lewis? 

But he is sure the memory was accurate. He vividly remembered Lewis walked over from nowhere, then grabbed Sebastian’s waist so tight to hold him at the place. It took drunk Seb a few seconds to recognize the person holding him, then he just shouted, “You P1 motherfucker!” 

Charles literally sobered up for a sec on that powerful line. A scene with Mercedes? The Media will eat them alive. But what was more shocking was that Lewis seemed so used to it and just absentmindedly nodded along to whatever Seb continued mumbling, even curse words in German. And very soon, Seb stopped talking and just buried himself into the crook of Lewis’s neck.

Okay……?

Well, Sebastian and Lewis’s relationship is not a complete secret in the paddock, but still, it was the first time Charles actually saw them acted in this kind of intimacy. Charles just looked at them, felt so out of the place all of a sudden.

Lewis tilted his head and pressed a tender kiss on the half-asleep Sebastian, then checked on Charles, “Are you feeling okay? I can give Esteban a call if you need.”

Charles was a bit nervous and also embarrassed, “No, no, don’t worry, I am good, will head back to my hotel soon too.” while forces a smile on his face. 

“Alright, then take care of yourself and make sure to drink a lot of water, OK?” The Brit said with a caring look, “And I am sorry, this guy can act like a kid sometimes.”

Charles just smiled it off and quietly watched Lewis brought Sebastian away. 

But the tiny kiss Lewis gave Seb stuck in his head. It reminded him of the one he received a month ago. So unexpected but comforting. 

And look where he and Kevin Magnussen end up right now.

He sighed deeply and downed the rest of the vodka in Seb’s glass. 

“Fuck….fuck!” Charles sits up and buries himself into his palms.

He can recall every single thing happened before his black-out now. What he did and what he said, to the Danish driver. 

This is fucked up. He grabs his hair with both hands.

Why the headache doesn’t remove his memory? 

But also, deep down if he is being completely honest, he knows these feelings have been there for a while. He just doesn't know how to face it. Too afraid to face it, even name it. As if he didn’t say it out loud, he could just bury it forever. And the alcohol finally pushed him to pour everything out before he can deny himself again. 

But the fear and the insecurity are out there too, and who gonna deal with them now.

He takes a deep breath and stands up, lets the blanket fall to the carpet floor. He looks around with a pounding head, it seems no one is in the room. Then he walks over to peak into the master room and immediately catches the Haas polo shirt with No. 20 on the end of the bed. 

Of course. Charles lets out a sigh, mix of relief and annoyance. 

This is very Kevin Magnussen. Leaving you time and space to collect yourself or whatever. Being all mature and considerate. 

Which makes Charles feel even shittier about himself. 

He walks back to the living room and spots Advil and a bottle of water left on the counter, what he needs the most right now. His shoulders drop with another big sigh. 

It is just like every time he tries harder to get further away from Kevin, he will end up pushing himself closer towards the said person, just gravitate towards him. 

He swallows the Advil, then lets himself slide down to sit on the floor, hugs his legs close. 

He doesn’t know what to do now. 

Can the painkiller take away all the feelings too?

When Pierre hears the knocks on the door, he just came out of his morning shower, kind of annoyed by this early interruption. 

He impatiently opens the door, then pauses, “……You look like shit, mate.”

The Ferrari driver outside just walks in and flops on the couch, “You are right, I do feel like shit.”

Pierre can sense the serious tiredness in Charles’s tone, almost immediately types on this phone and sends, My room, SOS, “I thought you got a podium and like, not allowed to feel like shit, for our sake?”

“The stupid me manage to.” Charles’s self-criticism is mostly muffled but still can be heard. 

“Don’t say that,” Pierre’s worry grows, “talk to me, Charles.” He sits next to Charles and put an assuring hand on his back.

Another round of knocks, Pierre turns to the door and shouts, “Not locked, just come in.”

Charles looks up and sees Esteban walking to the couch, “I just ran into Lewis, he was asking if you were OK……” 

Pierre looks at Esteban then back to Charles, “So…… now we have Lewis involved too?”

Charles sighs and briefly tells them what happened, of course, unnecessary details were left out, but boy can they imagine. 

“So basically, you just did things in the exact opposite way we told you to.” Pierre flats out commenting. 

“Fuck you, I can’t afford any judgment right now”, Charles buries himself into the cushion, “……but, yeah, I am stupid and I know it.”

”Come on, mate, this is not stupid, don’t be this harsh to yourself.” Pierre pats on his back, “I would just say it is a bit, coward?” 

Esteban throws a cushion at Pierre, “Not helping.” Charles just curses in Monegasque or Italian, something Pierre doesn’t understand. 

“Ok, you guys can not take the slightest jokes”, Pierre throws the cushion back at Esteban, “What I mean is, we know things and relationships are scary to you, it is totally fine. To be honest, at the end of the day, we are all scared of unpredictable things, especially for drivers like us, you know, a tiny thing out of control, we lose or we crash then lose.” Esteban pops his elbows on his thighs, nods along with a serious look.

“But if there is anything we learn from this crazy job, at least I think, is that if there is anything you wanna do, do it right now”, Pierre glances up real quick at Esteban then averts his eyes, “Who knows what will happen to us in the next weekend.”

“…….I can’t believe I am getting a full-length speech from Pierre Gasly.” Charles mumbles after a few seconds of silence but definitely sounds less tense. 

Esteban laughs, “I mean, once in a long while, he has a brain.”

Pierre slumps on the couch, “wha, that’s what I got for sharing my wisdom? I am so done with you guys. Where are Max and Alex, I need my new best friends.” 

Esteban just extends his long arms and ruffles both drivers’ hair, “But the Yolo stuff is true.” He turns to look at Charles, “Just try not to close up yourself? Flat out and keep pushing, remember? It is not fair to both of you if you keep avoiding yourself.”

Charles just nods against the cushion, doesn’t say anything.

Esteban looks at Pierre, worries still on his face, because they all actually know what is going to happen next weekend. It is the Japanese Grand Prix. The Suzuka course. 

Kevin lets out a breath that he doesn’t even know he was holding when he walks back to his hotel room and finds no one inside. 

Maybe he was giving space to the kid to recover from his hangover, but deep down, he knows he was running away from the situation too. 

It completely caught him off guard when Charles just put his feeling out there in front of his face last night. His heart almost lost control and jumped out of his body. But at the same time, he could sense the vulnerability in the Monegasque. Kevin knows better if Charles can only say things out when he is not sober, that probably means he is not sure what he wants. And Kevin is not gonna push him to make an impulsive choice. 

Let’s just say, everyone has his own demon, whether you acknowledge it or not. Kevin knows his way of dealing with relationships. It is not good or bad, right or wrong, but just his way. He never experienced stability and consistency in relationships since his childhood - when your parents had you at their 17 and 18, these were just the last things you can expect to have. A lot of relationships don’t last forever, he knows that since young, so he is used to keeping distance. 

A lot of people might dislike his distance, and a lot of times, misunderstand him. But it is what it is. He would rather bottle up everything and let it die inside than started things not sure if the other person wants it the same way.

But at that moment, he did pull the Monegasque close and returned the kiss, tender but also hard after his drunk confession. He couldn’t help it, just tried pouring all his feelings out in that kiss before the kid blacked out so that nothing needs to be said.

Kevin puts down his room key on the counter and walks into the living room. The blanket he put on for Charles is still left on the couch, and a red uniform jacket is still hanging on the back of the couch, apparently forgotten by its owner. 

He hesitantly picks up the jacket - he can picture how this piece of fabric hugs the young driver in the fittest way - and brings it closer, the familiar cologne still lingers on its collar.

Kevin sighs, snaps out of his useless thoughts, then folds the jacket and starts to pack his luggage. He will have some free time to clear out his head in Japan. 

Japan is always one of the unique stops on the calendar. Big big F1 fans crowd, amazing cultures, and also nice cities to explore, especially when you have a Japanese in your team. 

Kevin not gonna lie, his bonding with Komatsu definitely built up the most during their visits to Japan. Kevin just likes to go out and experience the country a bit before the race, and he is grateful that Komatsu is willing to show him around. Let’s be real, a Danish without any basic Japanese will get lost in 10 seconds. 

Steps inside the entrance of their destination, Kevin is immediately captivated by the natural scenery and the sacred atmosphere. He is visiting the Tsubaki Ogamiyashiro Shrine with Komatsu today, one of the oldest and the most famous shrines in Japan.

It is a must-come stop for Komatsu every year before the Japanese GP, where he prays for good luck and safety for everyone. And Kevin finally gets the chance to tag along this time. 

“You know, I actually started coming here after 2014.” Komatsu looks at Kevin while leading the way, “It was really tough on everyone that year.”

Kevin knows what he is referring to and nods.

“Most of the drivers had to get some sort of psychotherapy. And us engineers and mechanics too. You probably got those from McLaren, right?” 

Kevin frowns even just to think about it. It was definitely not the time he wants to remember. He didn’t have many chances to get to know Jules, but it was his first year in F1, and that accident was tough to handle. 

“Don’t even want to think about it, man. It was a complete shock.” Kevin shakes his head, “I didn’t know how I finished the laps.”

Komatsu pats on his shoulder, “Let’s just hope everything goes well next week. And hopefully, our team can start to get some much-needed good luck.” 

They fall into a comfortable silence. Most of the time Kevin just follows Komatsu, but the topic they just mentioned still feels heavy in his heart. And a certain person just arises in his mind.

He can’t imagine how hard it was for Charles to handle all this stuff. He was there all the time for the aftermath, now he feels the expectation to fulfill Jules’s dream, and he also needs to drive in the exact circus. 

And he collided with someone the first time he was in that circus. 

Kevin lets out a sigh, well, not a fun memory too. 

Suddenly his eyes get caught up by the people hanging something on the side. 

“What are they doing there?”

Komatsu turns to what Kevin is pointing at, “They are writing down their wishes and going to hang them on that wall. A way to let the god know.” He climbs down the stairs, “But for people who can not come, they have those Omamori too. Very famous amulet.”

Omamori is definitely not a familiar word for Kevin, but he did see this kind of Japanese amulet before. 

It can be good protection in some way, right?

Meanwhile, Charles is carrying his PR duties very diligently in the media building. It is the Japanese GP Ferrari video, and he and Sebastian are learning Origami. He has no idea what he is doing most of the time, but at least the teacher is really nice. And Sebastian is really excited, so at least one of them is entertaining for the audiences. That helps a lot.

He knows Sebastian is being protective, trying to carry more non-racing stuff to help him to focus on adjusting himself. There is so much going on in his head about this circus. He can feel the tension is building up as the race weekend is approaching. 

But to be honest, he also hates himself so much for being this affected, hates being treated like a fragile sensitive teenager, hates to feel weak.

All these things just add up and add up, Charles feels so angry and annoyed inside. As soon as the filming ends, he avoids everyone and heads back to their hospitality as fast as he can. He just wants to lock himself up in his room. 

But just before he turns into the Ferrari building, his eyes, again, catch sight of that dark grey Haas uniform. 

Kevin is with his brand partners, talking and smiling. They might be discussing some clothing design, Charles can’t hear and doesn’t care. The person from last time is touching Kevin’s shirt collar, then goes around to his back and just slide his hand down to the Dane’s hip. 

Charles knows he is just going crazy, but his anger is like finally found an outlet to burst out. 

“Kevin, Kevin!” Charles walks over to the group, “Sorry to interrupt,” he says perfunctorily, “but I saw Steiner was looking for you. All F words. I think you better go see him now.” 

Kevin is shocked by the interruption. Before he can react, Charles grabs his wrist and starts to drag him away.

There are people and cameras all around the paddock, Kevin doesn’t want to make a scene, only manages to leave a quick apology to his visitors before Charles drags him away to the alley nearby. 

“Are you crazy?!” as soon as they are by themselves, Kevin shakes off his grasp, “What are you doing?”

“Is he really just a sponsor?” 

Kevin looks him in the eyes, “Excuse me?! What the fuck are you talking about?” 

The younger driver doesn’t say anything, which makes Kevin angry, all the things happened between them come up in his mind, “And why do you care? I think it is none of your business?” 

Kevin slumps against the wall, suddenly feel so defeated, “We are not boyfriends, we are not dating, for god sake, we are not even fucking!!” he lashes out, and for the first time realizes, he is actually very frustrated about the whole situation too.

“What do you want from me?” he whispers. 

The younger one just turns to the side and refuses to say anything. The air is thick. But then a small sniff manages to escape. 

And just by that, the anger inside Kevin goes off. 

He is such a loser. 

Kevin looks at Charles’s profile, “What is it, Charles? Talk to me.” There must be something else upsetting the Monegasque.

Charles still refuses to speak and swallows really hard trying to suppress everything that almost slips out. 

Kevin has to reach out and holds Charles’s face in his palms, kind of force the younger to look at him, “What is this all about?” And he finally meets with the younger’s glassy eyes. 

Charles sniffs hard and tries not to let the tears drop down, “I saw it, the turn 7. We went to do the walkthrough, and, and it was just there.” takes in a sharp breath, “I just went numb…. like I couldn’t feel my hands.”

Kevin immediately gets what he is talking about and frowns in worries, “Did your team know about it? Did you, I don’t know, at least tell Seb?” 

Tears drop down, Charles shakes his head, “No, I didn’t tell anyone, and I don’t want to. I just want to get it over.” 

Kevin doesn’t know what to say. It is the first time the young driver breaks down in front of him. It is different from the last time. The tears make him feel heartbroken.

“Okay, then, then forget about the turns.” he wipes Charles’s tears with his thumbs, “Let’s just count the laps. You know, only 53 laps, that’s your target. Don’t think about the turns, don’t think about which turn you are entering, how you should enter it, just let your body your training your instincts to do the turns for you.” 

Charles looks at Kevin doesn’t say a word, “I know it is not the smartest strategy, but that was how I got through it last time.”

“Okay, I will try…”, Charles answers with a slight nod. 

“Just focus on finishing the race, OK?” Kevin sighs, “And if I have to be honest, you have a big chance to end up with points as long as you finish the race, because you are in a fucking Ferrari car, and you are a fucking Ferrari driver, you are well trained.”

That assumption does bring a tiny smile on Charles and somehow boosts his confidence a little bit. He takes in a deep breath, then sighs out, letting his emotion to calm down a bit. 

They just stand there, making some use of the privacy and company.

“……I think you have some F word problems too, just like your boss.” Charles quietly comments in a snotty voice with a thick accent.

“Fuck you.” Kevin pinches his face before letting him go, “Just go fight your demon now. Then we will deal with the rest of the problems……” 

Kevin gives him a last look, then pushes himself off the wall and ready to get back to his visitors. 

“…….I still don’t like your sponsor.”

“I don’t like him too”, Kevin walks away, “but our team likes his funding.” 

Charles stays for another minute or two to fully calm down before he heads back to the Ferrari hospitality. But just after he sits down in his room, someone knocks at his door.

“Charles, can I come in?” It is Sebastian outside. 

Charles is changing his uniform, “Yeah, just come in.” 

Sebastian peaks his head in, “Is everything okay?” 

Charles nods, feels really sorry to make his teammate worry about him, “I am fine. I am sorry I just walked away before. Just a bit tired and stressed, I think. But a good rest tonight will fix.”

The German obviously is not convinced, but he knows better not to push, “Good, just don’t overthink, okay? And I am here if you need anything.” 

Then he takes out a paper bag, “Before I forget, Magnussen stopped by and dropped off this before you came back.” 

Charles is a little surprised. He takes over the bag hesitantly, has no clue what is inside. Is this why Kevin was closed to their building before?

Sebastian smirks, “Well, good to know you were safe and sound after our drink in Sochi.” 

Charles looks inside the bag, it is his jacket. He suddenly gets what Sebastian means and feels a bit embarrassed. But he is quick to respond.

“And please send my thank you to Lewis too, when you have a chance.” 

Okay, that might be a little bit strong, but it is worthy to see a pink Sebastian. 

“Ahem, I, hm, I will leave you to your pre-race. Ciao.”

Charles smiles at his reaction. He does appreciate having a good teammate like Seb. 

After Sebastian closes the door, he takes out the jacket from the bag, thinking to hang it back to his closet, but something falls out from the pocket. 

A red Omamori lies on the floor. 

Charles picks up the amulet and carefully places it on his palm.

He knows what this is for. 

And he knows, for the first time after he arrived in Japan, he will gonna be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by the song Make it Right. I was fully planning to end on this chapter, but it just gets too long...lol So one more chapter to go. I hope you all still enjoy it, let me know your thoughts~


	6. Make It Right - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The endless night with no end in sight  
>  It’s you who got me the morning as a gift  
> May I hold that hand now  
> Baby I know  
> I can make it better  
> I can hold you tighter  
> I can make it right_

It is finally time for the Japanese GP race. 

Qualifying and the actual race got squeezed on the same day due to weather. It was very intense in the qualifying, but Charles managed to match with Sebastian and is going to start at P2 with Seb’s pole position in the afternoon. Another great chance for the Ferraris. 

Expectations from the team, from the audiences, from the fans, and from themselves are very high. Charles can literally sense it in the air. He does appreciate the supports and the possibility of a dual podium, but these all, at the same time, make him even more nervous and afraid. If at any point during the race, his emotion lost control, even just for a second, everything would get messed up. 

His breath hitches just at that thought. 

Suddenly, a few quick knocks on his door, “Charles, 2 minutes.” His coach is telling him to get ready and head to the garage soon.

Charles takes in a deep breath, stands up to zip up his race suit, then sighs out, takes in another deep breath. Fuck, his heart is racing too fast. This is not good.

When he grabs his helmet from the desk, the omamori he placed there earlier catches eyes. It reminds him of his last conversation with Kevin.

It is not what Kevin said, but how he held his face in his palms, how he unconsciously frowned due to worries, and how he wiped his tears away that emerges and settles in his mind. 

Comforting, in an unexpected but welcomed way. 

Charles picks up the omamori determinedly, crouches down to untie his race shoe. There is no pocket at all in the suit. Of course, no pocket less weight. He knows even just 0.1g will make a difference in the race, but he needs this. 

He carefully inserts the omamori into his shoe, right between the outsides of his right ankle and the shoe. Then he ties the lace again, as tight as possible. 

The amulet is awkwardly squeezed in the shoe, pressed to his skin through the thin fireproof fabric. Every move he makes with his feet, his skin is nudged by the amulet’s blunt edge, quite uncomfortable to be honest. But that slight uncomfortableness reminds Charles of its existence, and reminds him that he is not alone in this. 

Charles steps in the garage and gets on the scale for his last weight check before the race. 

Andrea immediately raises his eyebrows at the slight change of weight, “Please don’t tell me you snacked behind my back.” 

“Ugh, no. Not at all.” Charles avoids the piercing gaze from his coach.

Andrea punches him on the shoulder jokingly and pushes him off the scale, “Will deal with you after the race. Now, make sure this piece of snack does help you to win, okay?” 

Charles smiles while putting on his helmet, “I think it will help, massively.”

Andrea pats on his helmet as a gesture of good luck and sends him in the car. 

The race is as tough as Charles imaged and more. He still recognizes the turn, and the last memories he had in Jules’s hospital creep in his mind. There are a few times he almost loses hold of himself to panic, he can only tighten his grip on the steering wheel and force himself to continue counting the laps as Kevin told him to. One more lap downs, a little bit less weight on his heart. 

When he finally finishes the race, he feels like he can finally breathe again. The second he crosses the line, he hears the loudest cheers from his team radio. It might not be the greatest race he ever had, but he is the proudest of himself. He made it. He doesn’t need to be afraid of this course anymore. 

As soon as he parks, Sebastian drops everything and runs over, pulls him into a tight hug, “I am so so so proud of you!”

Charles snuggles a bit in Seb’s hug. He secretly likes how Seb sometimes acts like his father. He hugs back and tries his best to pour his gratitude in it. 

Lewis and Valtteri follow too, come and pat on his shoulders and helmet as congrats.

The three of them almost drag him to the podium too but get stopped by the FIA staff. But he gets champagne sprayed anyways. He is the proudest P6. Kevin was right, he is the fucking Ferrari driver and he got points. They made it. 

Speaking of the Danish driver, Charles looks around for the third time after the race, the Haas still nowhere to find. His excitement winds down a bit. 

It has been the worst season for the Haas team, no exception in today’s race too, and Charles notices that they have been quite low-key since the second half of the season. They are always just in and out.

But Charles really wants to see Kevin and talk to him. He is not even sure what he really wants to talk about right now, but the sudden urge to see the Danish is threatening to burst out. He tries his best to fly through all the interviews and photos before and after the post-race briefing and leaves the Ferrari building as fast as he can to head over to Haas. 

It might sound not right, but only when he is on his way to Haas, does he realize that it is actually his first time to go to Kevin’s place to look for Kevin. 

It is always the Dane goes to him. It is always Kevin initiates conversations and things, since day one. And, it is Kevin who is always there for him whenever he needs him. 

And he…… well, it seems he is the one just takes everything for granted. 

The realization hits Charles hard on the spot. Kevin has been through so much shit this season, but he had never ever said anything to him. He just tried his best to bottle up all his feelings and stress, keeps it to himself. 

Charles feels a blunt nudge in his heart, for that he has been so caught up in his own world and missed so much of the other person’s feelings, and also that Kevin might just not actually consider him as a person to open up his heart to. 

When he finally gets to the Haas area, the first thing he hears is Steiner’s F word, somehow not too surprising. 

“Fucking hell! He is not fucking doing that to me, you know?” Steiner is warning Kevin’s manager, fingers pointing at his face, “He does not fucking smash my door. Tell him that.”

The angry conversation makes Charles a bit worried, he stops near the Haas hospitality entrance, not sure if it is a good time to walk over to the driver’s room. 

“If he doesn’t want to come back, he better tell me now!”

His manager looks a bit nervous, “Where is he?” 

“I don’t know where he is, but he can fuck off.” Steiner points his finger again, “I told him, both of them. Fucking hell.”

Charles’s sure there must be a big fight happened in the team. He hesitantly stops the Japanese engineer who is walking back to the building, “Hi, hm, Komatsu, right?” 

The Japanese is obviously surprised to see not Sebastian but the other Ferrari driver at their paddock, puts on a small smile, “Yeah, I am Komatsu. First time see you at our place, what’s up mate?”

Charles smiles back, somehow feels a little bit shy to ask for the Dane out loud, “Do you know if Kevin is around……?” 

Komatsu sighs, “His manager said he is not in the driver’s room, I think he goes to his spot again.” 

His spot…? 

“Do you know where can I find him then?” 

“Well, I don’t think it is a good idea to go find him right now”, Komatsu takes off his headset from his neck, “He is not at his best temper. You don’t want to get caught at a crossfire, Charles.” 

Charles doesn’t say anything. Komatsu looks at the Ferrari driver and figures the driver is determined.

He shrugs and takes out a stack of sticky note from the reception, “If you really want to find him later, I think he will be in the B1 seating area. He likes to walk away a bit sometimes. Try your luck there.” He writes down the seating number on the note with a little drawing shows where is the B area and hands the paper to Charles. 

It should not be a thing to be dramatic about, but Charles does feel the paper heavy in his hand for some reason. He ponders around at the paddock, not sure what is the right thing to do all of a sudden. 

Kevin leans on the front railing at the bottom of B1 and watches the sun gradually going down behind the Grandstand building. The evening breeze and the last bit of magic hour quietly smooth down his burning anger and frustration inside. 

He knows everyone in the team is basically on the edge at this point after months of mental exhaustion with the cars, including him and Romain. 

To be honest, being a driver, he feels pretty helpless when the car doesn’t work. He can do the lap of his life and then still end up 15th. He just can’t help but starting to question everything, including yourself. 

He lets out a heavy sigh and drops his head down on his forearms. The endless tiredness sinks in his bones, his eyes’ burning hot. He just wants to hide in his arms and not to deal with all the disappointment anymore.

“Do you mind I join?” 

Kevin snaps out of his thoughts, apparently not expecting to see anyone at this time in this area. 

Charles has been here for a few minutes before he makes himself known. It was the first time he saw Kevin in such a down mode, no more the fighter vibe he usually holds during the race weekend. It is like he is carrying so much on his shoulders, too much. Charles stopped himself midway down the stairs, not sure if it was right to interrupt without the older one’s permission.

Kevin half turns to the direction of the voice, “……Did Komatsu tell you the place?”

He is back facing the sunset, so Charles can’t see his face very clearly.

“He actually tried to stop me from coming here, thought I would be burnt to death by crossfire.” He replies, tries to sound a bit light, “Who knows what an angry bad boy will do, right?” It might not be the best time for exaggeration but he just hopes some inner jokes between them will help lighten up the atmosphere a bit.

Kevin just looks straight into Charles’s eyes, “Then why do you come?” tone painfully similar to the last time he asked Charles what he wanted from him.

Charles starts walking down the rest of the stairs, eyes fixing on Kevin’s. The whole situation strangely overlaps with the night in Abu Dhabi, when Kevin walked over to him in the balcony and initiated this whole relationship.

Kevin just quietly watches the younger driver closing the distance. He tries to put back up some guard to keep his overwhelming frustration inside, don’t want to break down in front of anyone, but at the same time, feels powerless to control any of his emotion in front of Charles anymore.

Charles stops in front of him, not very close, eyes full of soft concern that he himself probably doesn’t know.

“I heard from someone before, that, if you are feeling upset, you should have some sweet in your system……”

Kevin raises his eyebrows at that, didn't expect to hear Charles mentioning the past event. 

It is almost the end of the sunset, the last bit of sun is outlining Charles’s profile feature in the most gentle way. The warm breeze ruffles his curls, luring Kevin to run his hand through it. An indescribable smooth feeling starts to settle in him while he watches Charles reaching into a bag he has been holding behind him.

“So…… yeah, want to bring you this.” He hands the bottle to Kevin.

Well, Charles does feel a bit embarrassed by the orange water bottle and the not at all subtle McLaren logo. Most of the teams have been packing up, and he had to force Lando to steal sugar from their kitchen (with an useless Carlos laughing his head off at the background), but it is not important right now.

Kevin gives out a small chuckle and takes the bottle, decides not to comment on the merchandise at this moment.

“It might not taste as good, but I hope it works the same way?” The same way it helped him last time. 

Kevin holds the bottle tight. The warmth from the water radiate thought the bottle to his palms. 

He takes a sip. Frankly, it is water and sugar, not even blended well. But it is comforting nonetheless. And he wanna see what all these will lead to.

So he turns his attention back to the younger one and pulls out the next line from his memory, “No other supporting measures?” It sounds just like yesterday.

“Well, I mean, I do find this Japanese pancake too……”, Charles feels a bit foolish and childish of himself, “Might not be able to compare with croissant”, he takes out the Pikachu pastry he snatched from the McLaren kitchen (again Carlos was not helpful, Lando too), and notices it may get squeezed and already cracked in the middle, “and it is cracked…, but, yeah, I tried.”

It is not exactly the development Kevin pictured, but it does bring a smile to his lips. 

He places the bottle and the pastry down on the nearest seat. “There is actually a second part of the method”, and turns to fully face Charles, tiles his head to look up into the younger’s eyes.

“It is not the stuff that makes it work. It is the person who gets them for you makes it work.” 

Charles returns his gaze. Kevin’s husky voice makes his heartbeat rise madly. His chest feels so full of affection, and the familiar urge is itching inside again. So he steps closer.

“Then, are all these working for you?” asks airily. 

Is he the one that can make a difference to Kevin?

Kevin just takes a step forward as well, “I don’t know, do you think it is working?”

Charles is lost in Kevin’s presence.

“Yeah, if I just……”, he leans down, gently closes the gap between their lips. 

It might be the softest kiss they had ever shared. 

None of them is hurried to go further, just nibble against each other’s lips, like they finally have all the time in the world to know more about each other, to know more about themselves.

Charles’s hand cups Kevin’s jaw, thumb draws soft circles at the end of his lips. Kevin sighs into the kiss, something deep inside just crumbles down. His eyes feeling warm again. 

He pulls away from the kiss and, before Charles can see anything, buries himself into the crook of his neck. 

Charles tenses up upon realizing what is happening, but instead of saying anything, he just slowly wraps his arms tight around the trembling person in his embrace, like how he has been wanted to do for so long. 

Kevin might not be the most verbal person, but Charles has gradually learned to understand him, bit by bit. 

The sun is now fully set, but Charles finally gets a hold of his own light. 

“I know it might not be the best time to say this right now”, Charles whispers when Kevin gradually calms down a few minutes later, “but I do mean it when I said I really like you. And I figure I should let you know sooner than later.”

“And to be honest, I am still scared and have no idea what will come next after saying my feelings out loud. But I would love to go down the route, fucking, or dating, or you know, somewhere in the future, boyfriend-ing, I am in, as long as you are willing to too.”

Kevin is amused by his quoting and chuckles against his T-shirt. He can literally feel Kevin’s smile on his skin.

“I think we can resume the fucking part first.”

Charles laughs, “Of course, out of all my sentimental words, F word first. I think there is a solid reason why you are in your team.” 

Then before Kevin can pull away to protest, he just presses a kiss on the crown of Kevin’s head. 

“But yeah, I got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I am able to put an end to this. I know it is not a popular ship, but I do have fun writing it, like my little way to cope with quarantine life. And I hope you enjoy the ride too. :) 
> 
> Hope to see you again soon in another post~


End file.
